The Car Dealership Magic 8 Ball

Dad and I went to continue our test driving experience this past Monday night. We went to the local Mitsubishi and Dodge dealer, or rather one of a handful, to look at the Mitsubishi Outlander and Dodge Nitro.

Of course, as you walk into any dealer, someone walks up to you when you're not expecting it and grabs you from the other salesman. And so begins the dance.

I explained that I was interested in the Dodge Nitro and the Mitsubishi Outlander and I had looked at a few cars before (didn't tell him what they were) and I wasn't sure what I liked yet, but was already forming opinions.

My dad stepped in and said we'd like to test drive both tonight. "Well, my manager really won't like that. He's in the business to sell cars."

My dad and I looked at each other and smiled. "Oh, this will be fun."

You see, dealing with car dealers is like risking the puffer fish at a local specialty restaurant. If the chef is experienced enough, you'll be fine and have a good experience. If they're a little rusty or are in a hurry, mistakes are made and you are in for one hell of a ride. And that's what we were watching unfold at this dealership.

"What kind of budget do you have?" -- "Well, what's more important to you, the price or the features?" -- "Well, what's more important to you, the color or the price?" -- "I'm just making sure you want to buy what you'll be happy with." -- "Well, what's more important to you, the price or the features?"

Navigating around this forked tongue was a game of life and death in a car dealership. A wrong word from you and they could withdraw their service and not want to help, or send you spinning out of control and signing some contract with a price the manger pulled out from his pocket along with a few pieces of lint and a stick of gum.

As I'm looking at the Nitro, my dad takes the salesman to the side to tell him what he should not do: put me in a black car that has been baking in the sun all day -- as what happened this past Sunday at Ford.

We went to go test drive the Dodge Nitro after looking at both cars, as I opted to drive this one first. After searching his inventory for my car with the features I wanted, he found one! A black one! Wow this one was as sharp as a tack! With a sigh and a chuckle from my dad, we ventured forward.

I liked the drive, the experience was nice, it had good pickup and power, but it was black. "If you like this car, would you be interested in purchasing it tonight?" he asked. Dad looked at me as I replied "Well, see, you put me in a black car, which you were told I wouldn't want. Do you have this car in blue?"

Almost every question we asked the man since walking into the dealership came back with another question instead of the expected answer. I just wanted an answer, and I was getting tired of just talking for the sake of talking. He asked me "Well, what's more important to you -- the color of the car or the price?" My dad turned to him and said "That's your answer to his question? Do you have this in another color or not?" I chimed in...

"Wow, it's like one of those Magic 8 Balls that you shake while asking it the same question and it returns with 'ask again'!" Now I was just getting rude, but after getting the run around by the salesman for about 30 minutes now, the gloves were only just coming off.

I was entertaining the idea of a lease, an idea that my dad was so vehemently against based off of his previous experience with selling and buying over 15 cars or so. Still, the salesman, spitting our words from his manager-run vocabulary was on the spot with questions and odd phrases.

On our way to look at the car one last time before going back inside to discuss our "options", I mentioned that he was trying to push us into buying the black car, one I had said many times before I did not want. I also said that I didn't want the sunroof after driving and using it during the test drive. "Oh," he interrupted, "the price of the car doesn't matter with a lease."

"What did you just say???" my dad stammered. Oh boy, that was it. "Cause I think you just said the price of the car doesn't matter with a lease, and now you're just insulting my intelligence." The salesman took a step back and tried to clarify what he just said, only he couldn't, because he realized he did say something rather off the mark.

We walked back inside and played the game of numbers, with him walking into the manager's office and sitting around for 10 minutes while dad and I waited out in the lobby. The numbers they came back with were ridiculous, and I had pretty much decided that leasing wasn't worth it at that price, I might as well buy. My dad was happy with that decision.

After spending about 2 hours at the dealership, we left. No, we were never going to buy the car, and we wished the whole experience only lasted about 30 minutes. The salesman dragged it out into a question and answer forum and tried to push us into buying the black car I never wanted.